We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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