All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I want is dick and wine.
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