Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
