Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
