I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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