i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize