Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
