whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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