wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
