maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
