It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
