every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
