He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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