it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
