'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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