I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
