i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
