Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one might say we're banned from that church
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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