call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
