I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
