Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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