we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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