I wish I only lived at night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
