The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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