i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
