u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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