I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Alive.
So much puke
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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