Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
