I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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