Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
