i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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