when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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