Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
