You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
