Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
