I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
