i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
