Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
