Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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