You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
