is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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