He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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