So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
MIDGETS
????
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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