So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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