Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
