whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How external is "for external use only"?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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