On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
