I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
