I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
