Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
