I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
