I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
