It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
false alarm. still invincible.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
