I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
