he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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