I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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