be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
