Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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