this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize