WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
