I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
