yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
