you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
