You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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