your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
