yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
