i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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