the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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