beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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