I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
