he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
