I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
